Her Accessible Heart

She was not so angelic, but that smile could always take me down.
When she was drunk it would sneak out
Though it pretended to still be hiding.
Sometimes her smile would go away,
Then the nod of a head or a well timed word
Would cut me so deep I could feel embarassed like I'd never return.
We did not see eye to eye and we never talked about it.
There was no fake lightness in her being;
Her image of Ohio was a tornado wrecked town.
Her confidence was like a dying tree
When the bark is brittle
But the inside is soft from water.
I only saw the inside once or twice
But from then on I knew it was there
And I treasured those faults of confidence
Like they were admissions of trust,
And perhaps they were.
I remember when that Summer came at our end,
And we were going our seperate ways,
A tear or two rolled down her cheek.
This surprised me, I was taken aback,
She wasn't one to cry or give hints that she could.
I became strong and held her like the night holds the moon
But when she left minutes later I broke down in sobs.
We both knew our time was up,
Anything after would be faked.
We saw each other a few more times
But I would never see another flash
Of her accessible heart.
I think of her now, on this raining day,
Not because I love her still but because I never told her I loved her,
And I'm not sure I did love her,
But that I don't know makes her seem more perplexing.
She lodged herself in corners of my life and now she's gone.
She took off forever when she left that Summer's day
When nothing needed be said and that was enough.

07/09